The final practice, To A Life of Joy: A Wider Perspective: about people, places and circumstances

The final practice, To A Life of Joy: A Wider Perspective:about people, places and circumstances

Do you ever wonder if others believe you're doing the best you can? Or, more importantly—do you believe you're doing the best you can? And beyond that, do you believe others are doing their best?

Acceptance of life’s hardships can feel impossible when I focus too closely on specific circumstances or other people’s actions. All I tend to see are flaws—often the very same flaws I recognize in myself. But when I take a step back and view the bigger picture, I’m reminded of an essential truth: most people, myself included, are truly doing the best they can. We’re all navigating the complexities of life—raising children, discovering our purpose, pursuing our dreams, or transitioning into retirement. And from that space of grace and compassion for our shared human experience, joy becomes accessible again.

We Are All Doing the Best We Can

We are all doing the best we can. Of course, many of us have people in our lives who don’t seem to be doing their best. But it’s important to remember that some people genuinely don’t see anything wrong with how they’re living—it’s all they’ve ever known. The truth is, we can only begin to make changes once we’re aware that something needs to change, or when we develop the desire to change. Some may not have the capacity—or even the willingness—to do so.

I’ve also come to realize that I couldn’t fully believe others were doing their best until I accepted that I was doing the best I could. My inability to see others through that lens was rooted in my own self-judgment. Once I found compassion for myself, it became easier to extend that same compassion to others.

People aren’t thinking about me.

Another freeing truth I remind myself of is this: people aren’t thinking about me nearly as much as I imagine. Most of the time, they’re thinking about themselves—just as I often am. It’s rarely about me. I’m just one grain of sand in the vast ocean of existence, and when I surrender to that greater whole, I catch a glimpse of life’s deeper purpose.

Still, the desire to control others is something many of us wrestle with. I came to realize how exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed I felt from trying to manage other people and their inability to live up to what I thought they should be doing. I wasted so much time and energy trying to make others happy, healthy, and thriving—according to my expectations.

But when I pulled that energy back and focused on my own joy—aligning with my values and acting on my desires—my life began to change. I worried less about whether others liked or accepted me, and more about whether I liked and accepted myself. I had more energy. I enjoyed others more. I no longer needed them to be just like me. And by giving others their power back—and keeping mine—I felt freer. And so did they.

I’ve learned so much from Julian’s prayer, and keeping it close has inspired deep reflection. If you have a prayer, poem, or meditation that supports your own spiritual journey, I’d love for you to share it—just as I’ve shared mine with you.

Julian of Norwich and The Promise of Joy: 

In 1373, Christian mystic Julian of Norwich wrote what is believed to be the first book authored by a woman in the English language. One of her most profound reflections reads:

"Deeds are done that appear so evil to us, and people suffer—such terrible evils that it seems no good could ever come of them. We grieve and sorrow, unable to find peace in the blessed contemplation of God, and this is why: our reasoning powers are so blind, so humble, and so simple that we cannot comprehend the high, marvelous wisdom, might, and goodness of the Holy Trinity. And this is what He means when He says, ‘You shall see for yourself that all manner of things shall be well.’ It is as if He says, pay attention now, faithfully and confidently, and at the end of time, you will truly see it in the fullness of joy."