Waking Up to Truth: Part Three: My Ego isn’t in charge

Waking Up to Truth: My Ego isn’t in charge 

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that my ego wants to run the show.  It works hard to keep my image strong.  

The ego relies on personal experiences—often including painful hurts—to shape its interpretation of the external world. Its role is to maintain a consistent sense of self and one’s place in the world. However, if we haven’t fully examined the biases the ego uses to determine who we are, we can become distorted, leading to self-limiting perspectives.

Through my mindfulness practice, I have explored and clarified my values, aligning these personal beliefs with my whole self as I am today. This awareness allows me to recognize whether my actions are being guided by my ego or by my authentic self.

As I shared in my previous post about staying present, I spent much of my life seeking external validation to define my identity—believing that being liked, achieving success, or fulfilling purposes dictated by others would bring happiness and contentment. My recovery has involved dismantling these identities.

We must dismantle the identities our ego holds

Today, I know who I am, even though the process of self-discovery is ongoing. Staying present helps me distinguish between my ego and my authentic self. I also recognize the feeling of truly being me within my body. When I catch myself looking outward to determine how I feel—wondering, 'Am I worthy of that?' or 'Does she like me?'—I recognize it as my ego at play. Staying grounded in how I feel today and remembering that I am worthy of love keeps me centered in myself.

I once had the privilege of being in the presence of someone profoundly gifted as an energy intuitive. She asked me how I felt at that moment, and I answered, “I feel sad.” My husband was very ill. His diagnosis had just been confirmed by a doctor—although, deep down, I had known he was unwell for a long time.

My ego told me I should feel sad because that was what was expected of me. However, she challenged my answer. She asked me to reevaluate—guiding me with questions to facilitate clarity about why I should feel sad.   She asked, 'Are you having fun at the moment?' I was at a retreat in Greece, something I chose—how could I not be? 'Are you content with who you are at the moment?'

'Yes,' I replied. I had started doing things that brought me immense joy, like writing and coaching other women. Both pursuits gave me profound fulfillment. I was amazed by my own answers. I could see how my authentic self was content and happy, yet I also understood why I had initially said I was sad. I had outdated expectations about my relationship and growing older together, but those expectations had changed after his diagnosis.

The truth was, I was feeling happy at that moment.

My authentic self felt happy—which is separate from my husband’s illness.  I realized with her guidance that I was happy and content with me, at my core.

My husband’s illness has worsened since that meeting, but this lesson has kept me balanced through the worst of it. The situation with my husband is undeniably sad and at times extremely difficult. Yet, at my core, I remain happy and content with who I am—I don’t need to walk around pleasing my ego and looking sad. I prefer to reflect my authentic image and maintain balance through life’s struggles and my sobriety.

Who Are You? How Do You Feel?

Many of us struggle to articulate who we are, how we feel, and what we truly want in life. We might mention practical needs like financial stability or health and vitality as wants out of life. But a telling sign that we are not living authentically is the inability to clearly express who we are, how we feel in the moment or what we specifically desire—often leaving us at a loss when asked these questions.

To discover our true selves, we must dismantle the identities our ego holds—constructs shaped by labels and expectations from our past. We must move beyond who we think we are to uncover our spiritual essence, allowing ourselves to live authentically and in alignment with our inner truth, which I believe is Love. But many of us fall into the ego’s trap of Fear.

For me, I had to turn inward and discover how I personally experience joy. I created what I call my “joy list.” For example, for the longest time, I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed being alone. I began to notice that when I was by myself, I felt more connected to who I am—it brought a sense of balance within me. Even something as simple as taking a bath while listening to my favorite podcast reminds me of ideas that help me stay true to myself—just me. 

What do you like to practice?  How do you return to your authentic self without labels your ego holds in place?  Do you honor your time for just you?

Every time I choose to live according to the things that bring me joy, I move with love instead of ego. This is how I operate.

On the Other Side of Fear: Joy

When I’m disconnected from my true self and spirit, I experience life through a lens of judgment and resistance—constantly striving to correct perceived wrongs. My ego clings to being right, because the fear of being wrong exposes deeper vulnerabilities: the lingering belief that I am somehow inadequate. It tries to protect my pride, convincing me that another’s success somehow diminishes my own. But when I embrace humility and focus on growth, life’s struggles become more manageable.

I’ve learned that fear only strengthens the ego, distorting its purpose. What I know for certain is this: on the other side of fear—when we allow ourselves to fully feel it, rooted in the present and connected to Spirit—there is joy. The belief that I am inherently inadequate in any area of my life is simply untrue.

When I notice my ego driving my decisions and interactions, I take intentional steps to realign with my values and my whole self. From that grounded place, everything makes more sense.

This is why my daily practice of mindfulness—through prayer and meditation—is so essential. Every morning, I check in with myself and reconnect with Spirit, where I am reminded that I am loved and cherished. Anchoring myself in that truth brings balance to my day.

When we accept life on these terms, joy becomes accessible—like an outstretched hand waiting to be held. By observing the ego and consciously choosing how I respond to life’s experiences, I find joy in everything. I’ve also come to understand that sustaining a joyful state raises my vibration, drawing me closer to the Divine, where Spirit lives.

As Julian’s words remind us, this connection leads to “the fullness of joy.”

And in the end, as Julian of Norwich promises:

“You shall see for yourself that all manner of things shall be well.”