What’s Next?—Step 10
Step Ten
What’s Next?
What follows reflects years of recovery, but don’t feel discouraged. I wanted to share from a deeper place in recovery because I remember often feeling discouraged about my own progress throughout this journey. My goal is to give you hope—hope that one day you can understand your alcoholism the way I understand mine today.
My work has been thorough and complete to this point, and I no longer question whether I am an alcoholic. It is clear to me that I used alcohol as a tool to numb and avoid what I could not face on my own. Today, I know I am no longer alone in my recovery or in life, and I trust and rely on my Higher Power to help me stay present and aware.
I have inventoried my character defects and asked for forgiveness whenever I have been harmful to others. But the work is never done. Simply doing these steps is not enough. Each day offers an opportunity to grow and evolve through honest self-examination—something I have come to understand as a responsibility if I want to remain sober and maintain a strong spiritual condition.
I remind myself often that I can never truly get it wrong and that I am never finished growing and evolving spiritually.
Step 10
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
I understand that the steps provided in Alcoholics Anonymous are a lifelong commitment to achieving emotional sobriety. A daily review of my spiritual condition helps ensure that I do not return to using alcohol as a solution to difficult life happenings or drift away from the person I strive to be. Regularly inventorying my actions—looking for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, or fear—is essential. I also pay attention when I feel the need to be right or when I find myself living in the past for solutions or in the future for answers. These are cues that I need to go inward and do some work.
When these cues arise, I apply what I have learned. I now understand this is the journey of life and what we call emotional sobriety in the program. I ask my Higher Power to help me examine and release the stories I create—a destructive narrative that keeps me from being my best self. It begins with self-acceptance, because I now know recovery is not about perfection, but about the willingness to grow.
I pay attention to my thoughts, feelings, and actions, where might I be judging others? Am I quick to react instead of responding? Do I have the need to be right or defend? My actions and the feelings help me see more clearly where I am at, reminding me to stay connected to who I am authentically. Otherwise, I can fall back into believing there is still so far to go. This is not about who I want to be or how well I think I am performing; it is about honestly examining myself in the present moment—without masks or pretending—and learning to accept and love all parts of who I am. I’ve come to understand that the depth of this step guides me through that process.
I use questions similar to those from the Fourth Step on a daily basis:
Who or what am I upset, angry, or resentful toward?
What story am I telling myself about this situation?
How is it affecting my self-esteem, pride, ambitions, relationships, security, or finances?
What is my part? I now know I always have one.
The result of practicing this step daily is emotional sobriety. As the Big Book reminds us, “We have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol.” (Big Book, pp. 84–85)
Stories I Hear in the Rooms
From my own experience, and from countless stories shared in the rooms, it is clear that “resting on our laurels,” as described in the Big Book, p. is common among us—becoming satisfied with past success and no longer pursuing growth. It is not enough to simply remove alcohol. I must align with who I authentically am, including my flaws. Step Ten serves as a daily reminder that my goal is to remain in good spiritual condition. My connection to a Higher Power makes this possible, and practicing these steps strengthens that connection each day.
What Does Good Spiritual Condition Look Like for Me?
Good spiritual condition looks like practicing humility in all my affairs. I know where I am strong and able to serve others, and I also know my limitations and when to ask for help. This requires self-awareness, which I have learned comes from accepting all parts of myself—including my flaws.
I practice honesty because I know dishonesty leads me toward destruction. I am willing to do whatever it takes to maintain my spiritual condition, even when it means resisting something as seemingly harmless as a “white lie.” In recovery, nothing is trivial.
I work to pause and respond rather than react. If I am to cease fighting anyone or anything—including alcohol—this is one of the most important practices I have. At the same time, I remind myself that I am seeking progress, not perfection. Managing this daily can feel difficult and unrealistic, so I try to meet myself with kindness and forgiveness. When I slip—and I do—I no longer shame or punish myself. Instead, I pause and reconnect, reminding myself that staying spiritually connected allows me to love myself unconditionally because it is where I experience the unconditional love of my Higher Power.
Good spiritual condition is a daily practice that shows up as emotional balance. I work at it each morning to ground myself for the day and again at night before sleep. I practice releasing the need to be right or control outcomes. I no longer want to live in the past or future; instead, I strive to remain grounded in the present moment. When fear, resentment, or dishonesty arise, I recognize them more quickly and take responsibility for addressing them.
Most of all, good spiritual condition is reflected in the joy I feel each day, my love of life, and my freedom from suffering. I am no longer fighting life, other people, or myself. I trust that the universe has my back. Through daily inventory, accountability, and conscious contact with my Higher Power, I remain teachable, willing to grow, and secure in the belief that I am loved unconditionally.
Step Ten reminds me that sobriety is not a finish line—it is a daily practice. And within that practice, I find peace. My goal is to know myself completely.
Personal Reflection
A recent Tenth Step involved a situation that left me resentful and confused. I believed I had lost something and hurt others in the process.
I resented a couple of family members over a shared investment. With multiple personalities, differing opinions, and the emotional weight of the COVID pandemic, tensions were high. I felt frustrated and believed they understood how difficult this time was for me, yet it seemed they prioritized their own needs. This is what triggered me. Looking back I now see by working the tenth step how I created a narrative that made them wrong and me right. Remember, this is a way any of us without a program would protect ourselves and justify our feelings. I brought an old fear of being excluded into the situation, my first sign that I was reacting from past wounds rather than the present moment.
I began to feel betrayed and confused, looking to others to explain my discomfort. One of them had previously told me I could stay at our shared home as long as I needed, so when they later asked to split time more evenly, it felt inconsistent. I defaulted to believing I was right and they were wrong, responding with resistance rather than openness. I needed time to process what was happening and to examine my part.
As the situation escalated, feelings were hurt. I felt abandoned and misunderstood, and my self-worth suffered. I began to believe they no longer cared for me. Financially, I chose to let go of the investment to preserve the relationship—what felt like confirmation of my fear of being excluded.
As I reconnected with my Higher Power, and did my tenth step work I was reminded of something essential: most people are doing the best they can—including me. This work is not about self-blame or guilt; it is about uncovering what truly drove me to drink and bringing those patterns into the light so they lose their power. This is emotional sobriety in my life.
My part was not about right or wrong. I needed them in a way they could not provide. I had just learned about my husband’s illness and felt frightened and alone. I leaned too heavily on them, and the investment added emotional and financial pressure. Beneath the resentment was a familiar fear of abandonment—the belief that I had been left behind.
In the end, I did not lose anything. I gained clarity, self-awareness, and freedom from resentment. When I acknowledged my part and asked for forgiveness, I felt so much relief. Letting go of the investment brought closure.
Doing this work does not guarantee that others will do theirs but it releases us from hanging on to our resentments, something I now know that leads to drinking. Remember this is emotional sobriety, it is not enough to just remove alcohol. This program teaches me to focus on what I can control—my own actions—and to leave the rest to God.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.