The Gift—Step 11
The Gift
The Tao is always flowing, always nourishing life into creation, always presenting steps and solutions, and always reminding us that we are perfection.
—Kuan Yin Oracle, p. 119, Card 38
My meditation practice has grown over the years. It began simply and inconsistently. The more I sought to understand what meditation or a prayer practice could look like, the more consistent I became. At first, I needed instruction to get started, but over time, I realized it didn’t need to be perfect. The more I trusted the process and kept it simple and personal rather than something I had to “get right,” the more natural and meaningful my practice became.
On the days I truly devoted time to it, I felt better. I felt closer to my Higher Power and to my authentic self. What began as a thoughtful task gradually became something I needed - something that helped me become who I am today.
My journey evolved as I fully connected with my Higher Power and understood that I had to choose guidance and listen, whether that be to God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, or the Universe. I know it is a Presence I trust and share my life with. I know I am loved. I know I am cherished. And that knowing gives me the courage to continue on this path of healing.
That was then; this is today.
Two Sides of Spiritual Practice
There are two sides to what I call my spiritual practice. On one side, it is about knowing myself—all of me—without pretending, without masks, and with complete self-acceptance. At times, I have felt the urge to gossip, to tell a white lie, to protect something I love, or to resent someone simply because I needed to be right. This has required deep awareness of my thoughts and emotions. I have had to face my character defects and learn to love every part of myself.
This process has taken time and patience. It is difficult to see who I truly am, especially when that image doesn’t match who I want to be—or who others expected me to be. But in this honesty, I’ve discovered my true self.
Yet my practice is not about staying fixed on my shortcomings. The work is about knowing myself fully and then choosing to grow. It requires grace and understanding, because some battles are harder than others. We all have challenges that grip us. The practice is about knowing all of me and loving every inch of me.
On the other side is the climb toward who my Higher Power knows me to be and how I have purpose here on earth. The lessons I learn bring me closer to that authentic purpose, which I believe is rooted in pure possibility and love. This is where I live: noticing resistance, paying attention to where I feel dis-ease, and responding with intention. I grow, I move, and I evolve because I know I am capable of this mighty love.
This growth is possible because of my commitment to meditation and my ongoing connection with my Higher Power. But this is not where I began in those early days of meditating. It has been a journey through struggle that brought me back to myself. What I know for sure is that at my foundation, there is a steady hum within—a grounding presence more real than any outward appearance. There is no standard that must be met for love to exist. Love is all-pervasive, ever-present, whole, and complete—without exception. No one is left out.
Step 11: The Beginning
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
I remember the first time I looked at this step as if it were yesterday. My sponsor and I were sitting in a coffee shop reading the Big Book—a practice we had shared many times before. She paused before reading the next paragraph leading up to Step 11 and asked, “Do you believe you have followed directions so far?”
At the time, I didn’t know where we were headed—or that a similar question would appear just a few lines later in the Big Book. I hesitated, sensing there would be a lesson waiting on the other side of my response. Of course, I wanted to answer quickly, “Hell yes.” But I had learned to pause, listen deeply to my sponsor, and really consider her questions before responding.
She continued:
“When you retire at night, do you ask yourself how your day went according to what you’ve learned? Are you satisfied with your responses? Upon waking, do you plan your day aligned with honesty, compassion, and personal growth? And when you fail—because we all do—who do you ask for forgiveness and grace? When something goes well, who do you praise?”
By then, I could see where we were going. I had a couple of years of sobriety at that point—something I was very proud of—but my connection to my Higher Power in all matters was still limited. She likely knew what my answer would be before she asked, which is why she paused before reading what the Big Book suggested in Step 11 about prayer and meditation.
Like all lessons within the steps, her guidance was encouraging rather than condemning. She reminded me that it is common to reach this point in recovery and still feel disconnected. Many of us have spent more years steering the ship ourselves than handing the wheel over to our Higher Power. We know how to cope and control. But she promised that with this step—by dedicating time and creating a consistent practice of prayer and meditation—my spiritual muscle would be strengthened, and real change would follow.
I Am Never Alone on This Path
Although Alcoholics Anonymous and the Big Book planted the seed for this foundation. My spiritual practice has expanded to include trusted leaders in spirituality, retreats, books on healing and recovery, holistic modalities from across history, and my own personal discoveries. I am forever grateful for the program and my awareness, now, to live in the experience of all I’ve learned.
I will leave you with this: the oracle card I pulled on the morning I wrote this post perfectly supports my journey. It reminds me that I am never alone on this path:
“Our true nature is to fall in love with our own divinity. Enlightenment is a cultivation of many small steps, each one as a drop of water forming a divine ocean of peace, realization, love, and unity within us—an ocean that washes away fear, separation, and scarcity, and bathes us in abundance and bliss. You carry the torch of enlightenment within you, beloved. Let it shine each day.”
—Kuan Yin Oracle, Alana Fairchild, Dynasty of the Divine Mother, Card 8, p. 34