My pain stops being a liability and becomes an offering-step 12

My pain stops being a liability and becomes an offering.

In my journey of recovery, working with others is not charity—it is survival. When I work with others, I’m not just sharing my recovery; I’m also strengthening my own. But surprisingly, the greatest shift has happened in my heart, and it has profoundly shaped my journey to wholeness.

I’ve come to understand that this is a deeply aligned choice. So who am I today? I am a writer. I reflect often, question everything, and—most importantly—I walk a heart-led spiritual path. Service is not just an action or  something I simply “do.” It is alignment, an all-day practice sustained through my focused connection with my Higher Power.

I once heard someone ask, “What’s your secret sauce to life?” That question stayed with me. I’ve spent time sitting with it, turning it over in my mind. For me, the answer is this: I have known pain. I have lived through suffering—more than I often let on. Because of that, I carry a deep well of compassion for the pain of others. I may not have chosen this pain and suffering, but it has shaped me. In many ways, it has become a gateway to wholeness.

Not every day is perfect or easy, but the gifts have been endless. My pain stopped being a liability and became an offering. The shame I once carried became an opportunity to grow. The mistakes that once haunted me became experience, strength, and hope for others.

Most of all, I realized that no time or energy had been wasted—that all of my struggles were necessary to become the person I am today. I am exactly who I was meant to be, doing exactly what I am meant to do. The most glorious gift from the universe has been this awareness. As we are guided to practice Step 12, we accept this awareness and love from our Higher Power.

By keeping my heart open to the unconditional love of this presence, I am able to love unconditionally. And this love is not meant to be kept or protected. I eventually learned it is meant to be felt fully and then shared—so it can be given away again and again. Without recovery, this would not be possible.

Step 12 – “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

“Nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intense work with other alcoholics.” (The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 89: Working With Others)

By sharing our stories and witnessing other alcoholics receive the gift within them, our lives take on new meaning. Shame cannot survive when it is spoken out loud. Guilt diminishes when we recognize it in others. Through the shared love of the fellowship, we stop feeling alone in our struggle.

What does my 12-step journey look like? Without it, I don’t know if I would be here today.

My early days of recovery are very foggy. I was distraught over the idea that people would find out how much drinking had been going on. After a boating accident and subsequent trouble with the law, a solution was presented to my husband and me. It happened something like this, several decades ago:

The evening following the accident, our living room was filled with family members, a representative from the local treatment center, and several members of AA—what we call in AA “12th Step work.” They were there for an intervention, hoping to persuade my husband and me to enter treatment. I knew treatment was the only way to avoid certain legal consequences, so I gave in and participated.

I remember I was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. I carried deep shame about being in that position. I knew what it felt like to live with alcoholism—my stepfather struggled with it—and I had witnessed the judgment society placed on him and our family. Now I understand that judgment, because I, too, was taught from a very young age to stigmatize the person facing the greatest challenges by engaging in self-seeking behavior, which gives a false sense of superiority. That night, I was the one under scrutiny. I couldn’t imagine overcoming this, let alone one day seeing alcoholism as a gift. I just wanted it all to go away.

That 12th Step experience paid off.

After committing to sobriety, a true spiritual experience began, guided by the support I received from the members of AA that first night in treatment. They introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps, which were presented as the path to recovery. I attended all the family meetings at the treatment facility where my husband was receiving care and began going to AA meetings myself—the true beginning of my journey of recovery.

I learned a great deal during that intervention experience. The members of AA were clear in outlining the steps of the program and sharing their own recovery stories. I could see parts of my story in theirs. They reassured me that the program was simple and doable. They explained that while AA is a spiritual program, defining what that spirituality looks like is left to the individual. We would explore spiritual principles, and I would define my own belief system in a presence greater than myself.

I was able to share some of my story and my concerns about moving forward—just enough to take the enormous step of walking through life without alcohol, something I had relied on for a decade. They encouraged me not to get too hung up on the details and reminded me that I would be guided by other alcoholics in the program.

They assured me that many eager members were willing to help me discover what my life could look like without alcohol. I had no idea what was even possible, but I came to understand that one day, if I continued following the suggestions of the program, I might be the one sitting there, sharing my experience, strength, and hope through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

They also introduced me to other programs like Al-non within the AA fellowship that support people living with alcoholism—resources I took advantage of for many years. The light from the collective of these programs became a beacon of hope. All I had to do was grab hold and enjoy the ride—you don’t want to miss it.

Since those early days in recovery, I have had the privilege of helping others find sobriety and wholeness—the very foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous and its 12 steps. In doing so, I simply pass on what was generously shared with me all those years ago. May your journey be touched by the same grace.