What Should We Do About It? —Step 5

Step Five

What Should We Do About It?

We’ve been trying to make changes in our lives—seeking a closer relationship with God or our higher power—and we’re beginning to recognize the obstacles that stand in our way. We’ve completed our personal inventory, and like every phase of recovery, our growth requires more willingness. We move to step five.

Recognizing Patterns

At first, I found it difficult to understand—let alone take on. I had to read and discuss my personal inventory that I struggled to complete with someone else. I had to share all of my faults and mistakes—things that had lived inside me for a very long time, carrying deep shame and guilt. I tried to convince myself that simply admitting these things privately was enough, but the idea of sitting down and speaking about them with another person felt frightening and overwhelming.

I am incredibly grateful that I trusted my sponsor and moved forward with sharing my personal inventory. I can now recognize the defense mechanism I used to bury my emotions and  ultimately my choosing to turn to alcohol. That default pattern wasn’t clear to me until I went through this deep reflection and shared it out loud. By bringing these truths into the light, this recovery work has helped me cultivate greater compassion for both myself and others.

We need someone to witness our humility

My sponsor explained that if I didn’t share my personal inventory, then keeping it to myself can actually lead to drinking. This is true for anyone who has admitted they are powerless over alcohol. Deep down, I knew she was right. I had made these stories part of my ego—an ego that fed my fear. She reminded me that by sharing my inventory, I was taking away my ego’s power, especially as I realized that most of what I had done, others have done, too. Sharing the inventory out loud is a process that helps level the playing field.

Instead, my fearful belief systems were exposed. I quickly and quite satisfyingly learned that blaming others is a form of self-seeking behavior. It protects the ego and blocks true spiritual growth. I felt inside that a truer identity was available to me, and that was something I wanted more than anything. Although this realization was uncomfortable, it marked my first real moment of awareness and brought me closer to experiencing a healthy version of me. I felt proud of myself for seeing this process to change so clearly and for taking my first real step toward wholeness.

It’s also important to remember that, as alcoholics, forward motion is vital. Without it, we stop growing and maturing. Understanding ourselves—who we are and who we’ve been—is essential. I believe that as human beings, our most important task is to evolve and grow, and this step is a powerful beginning.

Step—5 It’s time to admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. We are now on Step Five.

Once again, there will be risk and emotional exposure while moving deeper into the steps. But we must push forward with courage. We know that vulnerability takes courage, and courage builds emotional maturity—which undoubtedly helps keep us sober.

My sponsor told me that simply recognizing  character defects and claiming humility isn’t enough. We need someone to witness our humility. Speaking aloud the things we feel ashamed or guilty about becomes a powerful tool against shame itself. To truly experience the promises of sobriety, we must be completely honest with ourselves and with another person.

What I know now is this: On the other side of fear is courage. When I allow myself to fully feel fear while staying grounded in the present moment and connected to God, I find joy. The belief that I am alone, or somehow inherently unworthy or inadequate, simply is not true.

I also understand that while many of my actions during my alcoholism were harmful, what caused even greater suffering were the stories I attached to them afterward—the shameful narrative I continued repeating to myself long after the actions had passed.

No matter what has happened in my life, my soul remains pure. There is no need for shame or feelings of inadequacy. The light within each of us is the same; we are simply at different stages of awakening and recognizing it. 

Finding the trusted Friend

Sometimes it’s hard to know who to share your inventory with. At that point in my life, I didn’t have trusted friends, a doctor, or a psychologist, as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests. But I trusted my sponsor, and I knew she was the right person. Without a doubt, it must be someone you trust. Our stories are often painful and deeply vulnerable, and sharing them can even stir strong emotions in the listener. That’s why it’s essential to choose someone who not only understands alcoholism, but also recognizes the courage it took for you to reach this point—and cares enough to listen without judgment.

My suggestion is simple: choose your trusted person, schedule the time, and tell your story. Don’t put it off. Now that we’ve become aware of our character defects, it’s time to release them—to let go and give them away.

A good sponsor, trusted friend, or even a coach like myself knows how to hold space for your story. I remember how much my sponsor offered me. She gently but firmly pointed out truths I needed to face, especially when it came to humbling myself and acknowledging the harm I had caused others. At the same time, she helped me recognize deep-rooted patterns I needed to understand in order to move forward. She showed compassion for my pain and acknowledged how difficult my journey had been. She even reflected on how painful it must have been for me as a young girl.

Her support was something entirely new to me. I didn’t just hear her words—I felt them. I allowed them in. And for the first time, I no longer felt alone in my journey.

I had suffered greatly in my early childhood, and much of that pain surfaced during my inventory. I carried deep resentment toward the people who should have protected me. But after sharing my story, I began to see that I was not blameless in how I showed up in my life today. I had made choices about how I responded to my pain.

Much of my behavior was driven by the shameful stories I told myself and the labels I continued to reinforce. I could see that I had become arrogant and unforgiving. I judged and gossiped about others in a desperate attempt to feel better about myself. I was selfish and self-seeking, just as the Big Book describes.

In the end, I realized that while others had hurt me, I had also hurt others—and ultimately, I had hurt myself as well.  Sharing my 5th step with my sponsor allowed me so much growth and relief. I will always be grateful for every time I’ve taken a Fourth Step—and even more grateful for the times I followed through with the Fifth Step alongside a trusted guide.