Early Days of Recovery, the Work Begins
Step Two
How I experienced the willingness and possibility of change so I can trust
Early Days of Recovery, the Work Begins
In the early phase of recovery, I allowed for the possibility of change—and that willingness changed everything. I began to see how unmanageable my life had become, and the more honest I was about how bad it truly was, the more clearly I could recognize my denial.
It also became clear that simply not drinking was not enough. My need to control every second of every day and night had long become my way of coping with life. Removing alcohol from my life served its purpose—I became painfully aware of how far things had deteriorated over my whole life. I realized how disconnected I was from myself, and without alcohol, I no longer had a way to numb my feelings or emotions.
Those guiding me in sobriety suggested I consider the possibility of a power greater than myself, and that if I wanted to stay sober, trusting in this power would be necessary. However, trusting in anything felt impossible. As much as I wanted to be sober and knew I wasn’t well, the idea of placing my trust in a higher power seemed just as unfathomable. I had no role models to look to and no religious practice that offered support. What little I knew of religion—and of those who claimed to be faithful—only reinforced my skepticism.
From Skepticism to Belief
I had never believed in God. I had tried, but the pain of childhood trauma made me doubt Its existence. At times, I found comfort in church and appreciated the sense of fellowship. I recognized a similar fellowship of friends in AA, but I didn’t fully understand the bit about believing in God, High Power, the Universe, anything….
Someone with solid sobriety suggested that instead of forcing belief in God, I begin by believing in the fellowship of other alcoholics and the love they offered me—the same love I felt when I first walked into a room full of them. I began to notice the light in the old-timers’ eyes, and in many others. I started to understand how difficult it is to believe in something when you don’t even believe in yourself. Truthfully, I didn’t feel anything. I was numb—to the world, to myself, and certainly to anything Spiritual. But I still wanted what others had. That small shift marked the beginning of my willingness to explore self-discovery and to form a personal connection with Source and Spirit.
My Journey to Self-Acceptance
Step 2- Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I wish I could say that finding spirituality came easily or early in the program—but it didn’t. I struggled with it for many years. That's why the phrase “came to believe” matters so much: it’s a process.
What mattered most was that I began to see God, Spirit, the universe—whatever one chooses to believe in—reflected in the fellowship of AA. I could both feel and see it in the love of others. When I returned, members of the fellowship welcomed me, remembered my name, and greeted me with hugs and generous smiles. Most of all, I saw it in the light radiating from the old-timers—their lives were fulfilled, they were forgiven, and they were living without regret. As I witnessed this and began to feel it for myself, the veil slowly started to lift from my eyes.
The block to my true self—and consequently, to my Source—was revealed in its entirety. For the first time, I started to feel the hope and clarity that I was deserving of that same love and radiating light. Looking back, I now see that Spirit was always interwoven into my life—comforting, supporting, and loving me along the way. It’s there for everyone.
We are Not Saints
“Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection.” (P. 60 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous).
At this point in our recovery, three pertinent ideas.
That we are an alcoholic, and could not manage our lives.
That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
That God could, and would if He was sought.
What's most important in the second step is the willingness to begin the process of believing that a power greater than us could help. Came to believe is also very important, it is something we work on everyday.
Simple Directions, Lifelong Impact
What helped me most were the simple directions given by those who would soon become my friends. They handed me a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous and encouraged me to work through the steps. They told me to find a sponsor—someone with more time and experience, who could share their courage, strength, and hope while guiding me through the Big Book. They explained that sponsorship was the key to success.
I also received a list of phone numbers from people at the meeting. That small gesture—being offered connection without having to ask—meant the world to me. I've never forgotten the feeling of being included that day in that musty old church.
There are countless stories about first AA meetings. Most of us carry the same burdens: shame and guilt over the damage we've caused, along with the overwhelming weight of the monumental task ahead. Many of us walk into those rooms feeling lost, skeptical, and unsure if anything will help—or if we even want help.
But what matters is that we’ve entered. And that's what we hold onto.
The Spark of Hope
Sometimes I look back to my very first meetings and realize I don’t remember all the gifts that were shared with me, but I do remember the feeling of being deeply welcomed. I remember the young woman who smiled and greeted me first. I remember she shared pieces of her story—her courage, strength, and hope. It turned out she was in early recovery, just like me, and she truly meant every bit of your kind smile.
This was the beginning of my learning to trust others.
Today, I understand what I couldn’t see then: it was hope—hope for a life of balance, acceptance, honesty, and love. It didn’t come overnight, but with a little willingness, my Higher Power became evident to me.
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity (p.59. Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.” (P. 60 Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous)